Young, Black & Gay
Early in life Black men learn to be hard and
strong, quickly earning valued street credentials
that is so often rapped about in this Hip-hop
oriented culture in which we live.
Unfortunately, many Black boys cannot afford to
be too innocent too long or risk being trampled
upon by the neighborhood bullies. Eventually
they must learn how to fight, talk, walk, dress
and be the hardened wanna-be thugs they think
they must become in order to survive the harsh
streets of life.
Young Black Gay men are also acutely aware of
this fact and often take on identical exteriors in
order to fit in. But obviously this is not the case
for every Black male in America as it was not
completely my upbringing.
However, I do distinctly remember witnessing a
metamorphosis of many of my black male friends
as they turned from childhood playmates to
thugging wanna-be hood rat stereotypes
immersed withing the Rap and emerging Hip-Hop
culture.
Unfortunately, what you portray even if it’s for
mere survival will often become your reality and
eventually your destiny. It doesn’t take much to
get involved in a life of crime, fathering offspring
with multiple women, and eventually getting
yourself killed at an early age; all in order to fulfill
an image so that you can be accepted in order to
survive.
Early in life Black men learn to be hard and
strong, quickly earning valued street credentials
that is so often rapped about in this Hip-hop
oriented culture in which we live.
Unfortunately, many Black boys cannot afford to
be too innocent too long or risk being trampled
upon by the neighborhood bullies. Eventually
they must learn how to fight, talk, walk, dress
and be the hardened wanna-be thugs they think
they must become in order to survive the harsh
streets of life.
Young Black Gay men are also acutely aware of
this fact and often take on identical exteriors in
order to fit in. But obviously this is not the case
for every Black male in America as it was not
completely my upbringing.
However, I do distinctly remember witnessing a
metamorphosis of many of my black male friends
as they turned from childhood playmates to
thugging wanna-be hood rat stereotypes
immersed withing the Rap and emerging Hip-Hop
culture.
Unfortunately, what you portray even if it’s for
mere survival will often become your reality and
eventually your destiny. It doesn’t take much to
get involved in a life of crime, fathering offspring
with multiple women, and eventually getting
yourself killed at an early age; all in order to fulfill
an image so that you can be accepted in order to
survive.
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The Black
Gay Male Threat
Most of the hostility directed towards gay Black
men has to do with the fact that they appear to
be wasting away their lives instead of furthering
the longevity of the race, thus squandering away
crucial opportunities to help salvage the social
and political demise of the African American
community since the death of Dr. Martin Luther
King, Jr.
Then add to the mix the unfounded media
hysteria over the “down-low.” Black Gay Men
are often portrayed as greedy, sneaky and
deceptive as they secretly have sex with other
men and supposedly spread HIV to poor,
defenseless Black women who serve as their
convenient wives and girlfriends.
Now add to the confusion, the fact that Black
manhood is often associated with athleticism and
hardened masculinity. Conversely homosexuality
is stereotypically seen as feminine, weak, and
silly. How can you lead your race if you’re
weak and feminine? How can you call yourself a
man if you like other men???
Finally add in Black Church homophobia where
pastors/bishops intentionally and purposefully
attempt to immaculate Black Gay men in the
midst of a sermon with cheers of affirmation and
delight from their congregations. For a Young
Black Gay man, this can be a very challenging
anchor to jettison, but BLESSEDLY it is indeed
possible to do so.
The following are reflections from Young Black
Gay Men in their own words who are thriving
within their own skin
Gay Male Threat
Most of the hostility directed towards gay Black
men has to do with the fact that they appear to
be wasting away their lives instead of furthering
the longevity of the race, thus squandering away
crucial opportunities to help salvage the social
and political demise of the African American
community since the death of Dr. Martin Luther
King, Jr.
Then add to the mix the unfounded media
hysteria over the “down-low.” Black Gay Men
are often portrayed as greedy, sneaky and
deceptive as they secretly have sex with other
men and supposedly spread HIV to poor,
defenseless Black women who serve as their
convenient wives and girlfriends.
Now add to the confusion, the fact that Black
manhood is often associated with athleticism and
hardened masculinity. Conversely homosexuality
is stereotypically seen as feminine, weak, and
silly. How can you lead your race if you’re
weak and feminine? How can you call yourself a
man if you like other men???
Finally add in Black Church homophobia where
pastors/bishops intentionally and purposefully
attempt to immaculate Black Gay men in the
midst of a sermon with cheers of affirmation and
delight from their congregations. For a Young
Black Gay man, this can be a very challenging
anchor to jettison, but BLESSEDLY it is indeed
possible to do so.
The following are reflections from Young Black
Gay Men in their own words who are thriving
within their own skin
What do you think are the
biggest challenges of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think the biggest challenges
black gay men are facing today
is infection. It seems over the
past few years being gay
appeared as a trend in the
community. Everyone is trying
it, LOL!! But [seriously] it also
indicates based on the facts
that its being experimented
[by] a lot of people, still
unprotected in the process .
[They] are unaware of what
all their risk may be. I think
infections of not only STD's
but also HIV has reached the
level it has because a lot of
men I have spoken with
indicated that using a condom
with a man is acknowledging
and admitting that you are gay.
Though I disagreed, I found it
to be quite interesting that men
would risk their health, to live
up to other people's
perception, seeking
acceptance, and also for their
own psychological reasons.
What do you think are the
biggest insecurities of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think the biggest insecurities
of young black men are
acceptance and perception.
Perception because the way
we are perceived by others is
totally important. Many gay
men wonder why we can't be
received and accepted and
considered as normal as the
heterosexual men. I feel it
becomes an insecurity when
this alone challenges a gay man
and forces him to live into the
stereotypes of a closeted or
Down Low man. Many of
these stereotypes come into
play with gay curious or
bisexual men who don't want
to lose the respect of their
friends or family based on
what may be pleasurable to
them sexually. And this is
where the insecurity of
acceptance comes into play.
No one wants to compromise
the stability of their support
system meaning family,
friends, relationship, by forcing
upon people information that
may not be of relevance for
them to attain. I don't go
around broadcasting my
sexuality , but does that mean
I'm in the closet? NO! It
simply means I only volunteer
necessary information. A lot of
gay men don't want to worry
their mother's or grandmothers
with their sexual orientation!
It's ok to be empowered, but is
it necessary to tell people that
don't even want to know you
are having sex. So acceptance
is a big insecurity, and i feel
this may be the reason so
many people choose not to
define their sexuality.
What advice would you give to
Black Gay Male Youth?
I would say get educated! I
think it is extremely important
to not only educate yourself ,
for you, but also to attain the
information in case your
friends or family come across
risks and may need guidance.
It's your life! You need to
know more....The more you
know, the easier it would be to
save your life and the live of
your friends. We all know
somebody that is infected with
HIV, whether they tell us or
not! It affects us all!
What advice would you give to
Young Black Gay Men, in
marriages or heterosexual
relationships?
I always believe in loyalty. I
think in any relationship or
marriage, that honesty and
loyalty is the greatest
foundation. Cherish the one
you are with and don't lose
that spark you had at the
beginning. Keep the
relationship fresh and new.
Make it something you can't
wait to get home to! I know
many people get into these
aspects of a relationship and
then cheat, if you feel the need
to get your groove on, then it
must mean it's time to move
on. Keep it real!
MORE ABOUT GREG
WILSON!!!
Greg Wilson possesses both
the compassion and the
sincerity that is often missing
within the Black LGBT
community. In fact he is
absolutely determined to
empower and inspire others
around him to greater heights
by sharing with them his own
path of excellence. Greg is the
Project Coordinator of
MYLIFE, a component of In
the Meantime Men’s Group.
In this capacity he works
closely and specifically with
Young Black Gay Men
whether they’re just coming
out sexually or struggling with
other challenges, insecurities
and issues of life.
Greg’s amazing planning skills
and innovate fresh take on life
helps to take away the edge
from homophobic weary youth
as he shines a guiding light for
them to follow towards a much
more promising and rewarding
future.
The following is a candid
conversation with Greg Wilson
where he provides insight
about his thoughts on the
challenges and insecurities of
Young Black Gay Men.
biggest challenges of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think the biggest challenges
black gay men are facing today
is infection. It seems over the
past few years being gay
appeared as a trend in the
community. Everyone is trying
it, LOL!! But [seriously] it also
indicates based on the facts
that its being experimented
[by] a lot of people, still
unprotected in the process .
[They] are unaware of what
all their risk may be. I think
infections of not only STD's
but also HIV has reached the
level it has because a lot of
men I have spoken with
indicated that using a condom
with a man is acknowledging
and admitting that you are gay.
Though I disagreed, I found it
to be quite interesting that men
would risk their health, to live
up to other people's
perception, seeking
acceptance, and also for their
own psychological reasons.
What do you think are the
biggest insecurities of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think the biggest insecurities
of young black men are
acceptance and perception.
Perception because the way
we are perceived by others is
totally important. Many gay
men wonder why we can't be
received and accepted and
considered as normal as the
heterosexual men. I feel it
becomes an insecurity when
this alone challenges a gay man
and forces him to live into the
stereotypes of a closeted or
Down Low man. Many of
these stereotypes come into
play with gay curious or
bisexual men who don't want
to lose the respect of their
friends or family based on
what may be pleasurable to
them sexually. And this is
where the insecurity of
acceptance comes into play.
No one wants to compromise
the stability of their support
system meaning family,
friends, relationship, by forcing
upon people information that
may not be of relevance for
them to attain. I don't go
around broadcasting my
sexuality , but does that mean
I'm in the closet? NO! It
simply means I only volunteer
necessary information. A lot of
gay men don't want to worry
their mother's or grandmothers
with their sexual orientation!
It's ok to be empowered, but is
it necessary to tell people that
don't even want to know you
are having sex. So acceptance
is a big insecurity, and i feel
this may be the reason so
many people choose not to
define their sexuality.
What advice would you give to
Black Gay Male Youth?
I would say get educated! I
think it is extremely important
to not only educate yourself ,
for you, but also to attain the
information in case your
friends or family come across
risks and may need guidance.
It's your life! You need to
know more....The more you
know, the easier it would be to
save your life and the live of
your friends. We all know
somebody that is infected with
HIV, whether they tell us or
not! It affects us all!
What advice would you give to
Young Black Gay Men, in
marriages or heterosexual
relationships?
I always believe in loyalty. I
think in any relationship or
marriage, that honesty and
loyalty is the greatest
foundation. Cherish the one
you are with and don't lose
that spark you had at the
beginning. Keep the
relationship fresh and new.
Make it something you can't
wait to get home to! I know
many people get into these
aspects of a relationship and
then cheat, if you feel the need
to get your groove on, then it
must mean it's time to move
on. Keep it real!
MORE ABOUT GREG
WILSON!!!
Greg Wilson possesses both
the compassion and the
sincerity that is often missing
within the Black LGBT
community. In fact he is
absolutely determined to
empower and inspire others
around him to greater heights
by sharing with them his own
path of excellence. Greg is the
Project Coordinator of
MYLIFE, a component of In
the Meantime Men’s Group.
In this capacity he works
closely and specifically with
Young Black Gay Men
whether they’re just coming
out sexually or struggling with
other challenges, insecurities
and issues of life.
Greg’s amazing planning skills
and innovate fresh take on life
helps to take away the edge
from homophobic weary youth
as he shines a guiding light for
them to follow towards a much
more promising and rewarding
future.
The following is a candid
conversation with Greg Wilson
where he provides insight
about his thoughts on the
challenges and insecurities of
Young Black Gay Men.
What do you think are the
biggest challenges of young
black male teens and youth?
Trying to fit the image
bestowed upon the gay
community. We live in a
community with what I called
are filled with Image extremists.
This community is anti-fat, anti-
dark skin, anti-feminine,
everything is gossip and rumor.
We live in a community where
the minds of black gay males in
general or subtle on the fact
that HIV/AIDS is an epidemic.
What do you think are their
biggest insecurities?
One of the biggest insecurities
for black male teens is penis
size. I cant ever walk around
“oh I
need a man with a big cock”
blah blah blah. Male teens often
feel pressured that they’re
unworthy or are going to feel
impotent because of their size.
I know this, because I been
surrounded with this. It’s
sickening to me. I think looks
and weight also plays a factor
in insecurities.
Do you think there are a lot of
sexual experimentation with
black gay male teens with both
male and female?
This may sound ignorant of
me, but I don’t believe in
sexual experimentation. I think
if you have the urge to have sex
with the same gender its
because you’re something other
than straight.
What advice would you give to
black gay male teens and youth
who are struggling with their
sexuality?
If you don’t feel comfortable
coming out then don’t. I said
this before; sometimes we have
to smother our pride. Because if
we’re hurt, if we’re bashed on,
our pride can die with us. We
have to hear our own cries as
we fail to retort, as we deny
our identity, as we lie to our
beloved ones.
This place is one depressing
bitter place. Just please don’t
make a system out of your
sexuality.
Don’t date someone of the
opposite sex because you want
to create some type of
conspiracy in which you want
people to believe something
you’re not. If whispers turns to
rumors, than let that be. No
one will confirm your
sexuality, unless you can
confirm it first.
What advice would you give to
their parents?
I want parents to know that
they don’t have to like the fact
that their son or daughter likes
the
same gender. It’s ok not to.
Just show tolerance and
acceptance of their sexuality.
Because that’s all we need. I
told my mother head on, I don’
t care what you think about me
kissing another man.
Just as long as you don’t ever
deny me the right to sleep in
your
home. And I left it at that. I
don’t understand why queer
youth go beyond themselves
and try to look for more than
tolerance and acceptance from
their parents. Like my friend
Val says, everything isn’t
peaches and creams and like
you want it to be.
How and why did your blog
develop?
I created my blog through
freewebs. I wrote features, I
interviewed people. I wanted to
create conversation. I had no
idea it would turn into what it is
now. Within three weeks of me
starting my blog The Advocate
picked up on it and featured me
in their magazine. I was
reluctant to do it at first. I don’t
like being seen as a media
whore. But I said what the
heck. After that feature I got a
job as an editor for Clik
Magazine, The Advocate
wanted me to write for them
and I began to appear on some
sites.
Now, a handful of people don’t
like my blog though. They don’
t like my conservative views.
They don’t like the fact that I’
m a prude. I’ve come across
blogs where I’ve been talked
about. But I shrug it off…but
with a conversation first. I
consider myself to be a realist.
And if that makes me
unenlightened, then so be it.
How did you come into your
own sexual awareness?
By asking questions. I’m never
hesitant to ask even the
stupidest of questions. If I can
type it or
say it, I will ask. I’m still
learning. I consider myself to
be quite misinformed within the
sexual awareness spectrum.
MORE ABOUT
STEVEN EMMANUEL M.!!!
Steven and his blog
QueerKidofColor were profiled
in the October 2006 issue of
Advocate Magazine. An excerpt
from the profile follows:
“If someone leaves my site
knowing that 40% of homeless
teenagers are gay, then that’s
an accomplishment,” says
Emmanuel. “This is about
striking up information and
growing the seeds of
accomplishment that were
planted by the mountain of
LGBTQ leaders before me.”
“In 10 years I see myself as a
sought-after producer for
LGBT programming and a
person [of] unprecedented
success,” he says.
biggest challenges of young
black male teens and youth?
Trying to fit the image
bestowed upon the gay
community. We live in a
community with what I called
are filled with Image extremists.
This community is anti-fat, anti-
dark skin, anti-feminine,
everything is gossip and rumor.
We live in a community where
the minds of black gay males in
general or subtle on the fact
that HIV/AIDS is an epidemic.
What do you think are their
biggest insecurities?
One of the biggest insecurities
for black male teens is penis
size. I cant ever walk around
“oh I
need a man with a big cock”
blah blah blah. Male teens often
feel pressured that they’re
unworthy or are going to feel
impotent because of their size.
I know this, because I been
surrounded with this. It’s
sickening to me. I think looks
and weight also plays a factor
in insecurities.
Do you think there are a lot of
sexual experimentation with
black gay male teens with both
male and female?
This may sound ignorant of
me, but I don’t believe in
sexual experimentation. I think
if you have the urge to have sex
with the same gender its
because you’re something other
than straight.
What advice would you give to
black gay male teens and youth
who are struggling with their
sexuality?
If you don’t feel comfortable
coming out then don’t. I said
this before; sometimes we have
to smother our pride. Because if
we’re hurt, if we’re bashed on,
our pride can die with us. We
have to hear our own cries as
we fail to retort, as we deny
our identity, as we lie to our
beloved ones.
This place is one depressing
bitter place. Just please don’t
make a system out of your
sexuality.
Don’t date someone of the
opposite sex because you want
to create some type of
conspiracy in which you want
people to believe something
you’re not. If whispers turns to
rumors, than let that be. No
one will confirm your
sexuality, unless you can
confirm it first.
What advice would you give to
their parents?
I want parents to know that
they don’t have to like the fact
that their son or daughter likes
the
same gender. It’s ok not to.
Just show tolerance and
acceptance of their sexuality.
Because that’s all we need. I
told my mother head on, I don’
t care what you think about me
kissing another man.
Just as long as you don’t ever
deny me the right to sleep in
your
home. And I left it at that. I
don’t understand why queer
youth go beyond themselves
and try to look for more than
tolerance and acceptance from
their parents. Like my friend
Val says, everything isn’t
peaches and creams and like
you want it to be.
How and why did your blog
develop?
I created my blog through
freewebs. I wrote features, I
interviewed people. I wanted to
create conversation. I had no
idea it would turn into what it is
now. Within three weeks of me
starting my blog The Advocate
picked up on it and featured me
in their magazine. I was
reluctant to do it at first. I don’t
like being seen as a media
whore. But I said what the
heck. After that feature I got a
job as an editor for Clik
Magazine, The Advocate
wanted me to write for them
and I began to appear on some
sites.
Now, a handful of people don’t
like my blog though. They don’
t like my conservative views.
They don’t like the fact that I’
m a prude. I’ve come across
blogs where I’ve been talked
about. But I shrug it off…but
with a conversation first. I
consider myself to be a realist.
And if that makes me
unenlightened, then so be it.
How did you come into your
own sexual awareness?
By asking questions. I’m never
hesitant to ask even the
stupidest of questions. If I can
type it or
say it, I will ask. I’m still
learning. I consider myself to
be quite misinformed within the
sexual awareness spectrum.
MORE ABOUT
STEVEN EMMANUEL M.!!!
Steven and his blog
QueerKidofColor were profiled
in the October 2006 issue of
Advocate Magazine. An excerpt
from the profile follows:
“If someone leaves my site
knowing that 40% of homeless
teenagers are gay, then that’s
an accomplishment,” says
Emmanuel. “This is about
striking up information and
growing the seeds of
accomplishment that were
planted by the mountain of
LGBTQ leaders before me.”
“In 10 years I see myself as a
sought-after producer for
LGBT programming and a
person [of] unprecedented
success,” he says.
What do you think are the
biggest challenges of Young
Black Gay Men?
We are challenged by so much!
Primarily the comfort in our own
skin. With in Black culture being
a Homosexual is equal to being a
child Molester. It's seen as
emasculation. Being a Gay Black
man is Weak. It's seen in your
every day life in the work place
down to our music. There are
Men whom have been in the
Gay life for multiple years, and
who's family have no idea. We
first need to get past what gay is,
and realize it's what you are, not
who you are. I think from what
I've seen that's why the whole
ballroom community started. A
need of kinship. This one part of
my life doesn't get me. So I will
make a community that does.
What do you think are the
biggest insecurities of Young
Black Gay Men?
I have to say I was lucky in my
own mind, to realize my
Homosexuality in my early 20's.
It gave me time to grow more
into the "Man" I am to be. More
into my power as not just a gay
man, but a black man over all!
Not so lost in finding something
to complete me. For young
Black Gay men. I see a longing
to belong to something,
something tangible. Something to
hold on to, and call real! I
remember being a new face on
the "scene" and in that nearly
getting eating up. I had never in
my life had so many people
willing to be "caring" to help me.
Wanting to show me the ropes,
whom to talk to and befriend
and more certain whom not to.
Being alone is what I see as one
of the major insecurities. Body
Image is another, it's almost
unheard of in Black gay life, to
be overweight, and the ones who
are, are looked past, and
mocked. I remember an
acquaintance of mine once
telling me "I didn't realize I was
heavy, till I stepped into this life,
and people told me I needed to
lose weigh." These issues are
derived because we where given
these set rules as gay men, and
we have done nothing to looked
out side of them to "step out our
boxes" (one of my key
subjects).We are given the way
we should live, and we exist with
in that.
What advice would you give to
Black Gay Male Youth?
I would tell the younger ones
coming up, just be who you are.
Just know all the things that this
life may force upon you, but you
the power to always be who you
are. I think a lot of us make so
many mistakes in our past, not
realizing we are not our past.
That we don't take on the fact
that we have to mentor people
coming up as well as mentor
each other. A lot of young black
men come from fatherless
homes. Subconsciously looking
for that father in the world. I
remember so many times me
wanting to only date much older
men, looking for a daddy. It's ok
to make mistakes; it's ok to not
understand something. Just learn
early on not to live in those
mistakes. We make them, and
we move on!
What advice would you give to
Young Black Gay Men, in
marriages or heterosexual
relationships?
GET OUT! Joking, I know a lot
of them wish it was that easy. I
still have many friends, that are
gay and in heterosexual
relationships. I have to say I
don't understand it, but I'm in no
place to judge anyone's
anything. That's a hard question
some people are absolutely very
well in there Hetro-relationships.
When they are with Men they
are with Men, and the same with
women. I would say to them be
true in what you are doing, and
realize why you are with that
person. Is your life where it
should be because you choose,
or was it some other factors in
why you are there? We as a
Humans have to realize this is
our car, so drive it where you
want. Now if you choose to
drive it in a ditch it was of your
choosing.
How and why did your blog
develop?
My blog started out of someone
telling me people needed to hear
what I had to say. I was at a
book club meeting a little over a
year ago, and building with a
group of young black men.
Truly vibing off how we all
viewed the world, and why it
was the way it was in our
community. That moment
changed me, it gave me the
understanding that other black
men cared, about what was
going on! I do what I do,
because it's time someone said
something.
We have become so lost in our
identities, that we don't even
know how to heal. So busy
surviving each other, and our
past, we don't know how to
love, because we were never
shown. I just see my self as a
voice. There is nothing more
pleasing to me, then when
someone emails me or takes me
to the side and says thank you!
For opening my eyes to that, or
taken the time to bring that
reality to life. We have to begin
to start Living in the reality,
realizing it's not always fair, and
it will never always make sense.
But there is hope, when you
begin to try to get out of our
Boxes.
MORE ABOUT
JARED SHULER!!!
biggest challenges of Young
Black Gay Men?
We are challenged by so much!
Primarily the comfort in our own
skin. With in Black culture being
a Homosexual is equal to being a
child Molester. It's seen as
emasculation. Being a Gay Black
man is Weak. It's seen in your
every day life in the work place
down to our music. There are
Men whom have been in the
Gay life for multiple years, and
who's family have no idea. We
first need to get past what gay is,
and realize it's what you are, not
who you are. I think from what
I've seen that's why the whole
ballroom community started. A
need of kinship. This one part of
my life doesn't get me. So I will
make a community that does.
What do you think are the
biggest insecurities of Young
Black Gay Men?
I have to say I was lucky in my
own mind, to realize my
Homosexuality in my early 20's.
It gave me time to grow more
into the "Man" I am to be. More
into my power as not just a gay
man, but a black man over all!
Not so lost in finding something
to complete me. For young
Black Gay men. I see a longing
to belong to something,
something tangible. Something to
hold on to, and call real! I
remember being a new face on
the "scene" and in that nearly
getting eating up. I had never in
my life had so many people
willing to be "caring" to help me.
Wanting to show me the ropes,
whom to talk to and befriend
and more certain whom not to.
Being alone is what I see as one
of the major insecurities. Body
Image is another, it's almost
unheard of in Black gay life, to
be overweight, and the ones who
are, are looked past, and
mocked. I remember an
acquaintance of mine once
telling me "I didn't realize I was
heavy, till I stepped into this life,
and people told me I needed to
lose weigh." These issues are
derived because we where given
these set rules as gay men, and
we have done nothing to looked
out side of them to "step out our
boxes" (one of my key
subjects).We are given the way
we should live, and we exist with
in that.
What advice would you give to
Black Gay Male Youth?
I would tell the younger ones
coming up, just be who you are.
Just know all the things that this
life may force upon you, but you
the power to always be who you
are. I think a lot of us make so
many mistakes in our past, not
realizing we are not our past.
That we don't take on the fact
that we have to mentor people
coming up as well as mentor
each other. A lot of young black
men come from fatherless
homes. Subconsciously looking
for that father in the world. I
remember so many times me
wanting to only date much older
men, looking for a daddy. It's ok
to make mistakes; it's ok to not
understand something. Just learn
early on not to live in those
mistakes. We make them, and
we move on!
What advice would you give to
Young Black Gay Men, in
marriages or heterosexual
relationships?
GET OUT! Joking, I know a lot
of them wish it was that easy. I
still have many friends, that are
gay and in heterosexual
relationships. I have to say I
don't understand it, but I'm in no
place to judge anyone's
anything. That's a hard question
some people are absolutely very
well in there Hetro-relationships.
When they are with Men they
are with Men, and the same with
women. I would say to them be
true in what you are doing, and
realize why you are with that
person. Is your life where it
should be because you choose,
or was it some other factors in
why you are there? We as a
Humans have to realize this is
our car, so drive it where you
want. Now if you choose to
drive it in a ditch it was of your
choosing.
How and why did your blog
develop?
My blog started out of someone
telling me people needed to hear
what I had to say. I was at a
book club meeting a little over a
year ago, and building with a
group of young black men.
Truly vibing off how we all
viewed the world, and why it
was the way it was in our
community. That moment
changed me, it gave me the
understanding that other black
men cared, about what was
going on! I do what I do,
because it's time someone said
something.
We have become so lost in our
identities, that we don't even
know how to heal. So busy
surviving each other, and our
past, we don't know how to
love, because we were never
shown. I just see my self as a
voice. There is nothing more
pleasing to me, then when
someone emails me or takes me
to the side and says thank you!
For opening my eyes to that, or
taken the time to bring that
reality to life. We have to begin
to start Living in the reality,
realizing it's not always fair, and
it will never always make sense.
But there is hope, when you
begin to try to get out of our
Boxes.
MORE ABOUT
JARED SHULER!!!
What do you think are the
biggest challenges of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think the biggest challenges
facing Black gay men are no
different from the biggest
challenges facing all Black
men. There is a significant
need our shared community to
address the problems of
education, economic
empowerment, self esteem
and healthcare. All of those
challenges operate with one
hand washing the other.
What do you think are the
biggest insecurities of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think that Black gay men are
still plagued with insecurities
surrounding acceptance. I do
not limit that acceptance to
being, accepted by society as a
whole, or by family. I would
certainly extend that insecurity
of acceptance to self-
acceptance as well. I believe
this insecurity is taught to
everyone, not just Black gay
men. I don't yet think that
American society teaches or
socialized us to be free
thinkers or to be 'free.'
What advice would you give
to Black Gay Male Youth?
Simply, define yourself for
yourself. Do not read the
narrative of someone else's life
and decide that should be
yours also. Create your own
story. Create your own
identity. Create yourself for
yourself. That doesn't mean
reinvent the wheel. It means
be and allow yourself to grow
into who you are authentically.
I would also tell my brothers,
love yourself and be safe.
What advice would you give
to Black Gay Men, in
marriages or heterosexual
relationships?
Get out.
MORE ABOUT
CLARENCE*FLUKER!!!
For several years Clarence
worked for the National Youth
Advocacy Coalition, the only
national organization whose
sole mission is to advocate on
behalf lesbian, gay, bisexual
and transgender youth while
building the capacity of the
local organizations that serve
them.
In August of 2003, He was the
youngest speaker to address
those in attendance at the rally
to commemorate the life and
work of Bayard Rustin
preceding the 40 th
Anniversary of the March on
Washington.
Once the youngest to facilitate
workshops for DC Black
Pride, at age 22 he became the
youngest member of the
Board of Directors of Black,
Lesbian & Gay Pride Day,
Inc., the organization that
produces DC Black Pride, one
of the largest African
American gay pride
celebrations in the world.
From 2005 – 2006, Clarence
was served as the youngest
President of DC Black Pride
organization. Currently he is
recognized as Board Member
Emeritus.
In the summer of 2006
Clarence was appointed a
member of the LGBT
Executive Committee for the
Office of the Mayor of the
District of Columbia. He will
serve as a member of the
Mayor's Committee until 2008.
Clarence's written work has
appeared in a variety of print
and online publications
including the Cleveland Bar
Journal, The Journal of
Intergroup Relations,
BlackStripe.com and ARISE
magazine, where he served as
Next Generation Editor.
Most recently his essay A
Nation Divided appeared in
the anthology Spirited from
Redbone Press. An engaging
speaker on the topic of race
and sexual orientation he has
spoken to campus groups at
universities throughout the U.S.
Dedicated to building
community and being the
change that he wishes to see
throughout his shared
communities Clarence also
serves on the Board of Nu
Visions of Excellence Theater
Company and the Shaw High
School Foundation.
biggest challenges of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think the biggest challenges
facing Black gay men are no
different from the biggest
challenges facing all Black
men. There is a significant
need our shared community to
address the problems of
education, economic
empowerment, self esteem
and healthcare. All of those
challenges operate with one
hand washing the other.
What do you think are the
biggest insecurities of Young
Black Gay Men?
I think that Black gay men are
still plagued with insecurities
surrounding acceptance. I do
not limit that acceptance to
being, accepted by society as a
whole, or by family. I would
certainly extend that insecurity
of acceptance to self-
acceptance as well. I believe
this insecurity is taught to
everyone, not just Black gay
men. I don't yet think that
American society teaches or
socialized us to be free
thinkers or to be 'free.'
What advice would you give
to Black Gay Male Youth?
Simply, define yourself for
yourself. Do not read the
narrative of someone else's life
and decide that should be
yours also. Create your own
story. Create your own
identity. Create yourself for
yourself. That doesn't mean
reinvent the wheel. It means
be and allow yourself to grow
into who you are authentically.
I would also tell my brothers,
love yourself and be safe.
What advice would you give
to Black Gay Men, in
marriages or heterosexual
relationships?
Get out.
MORE ABOUT
CLARENCE*FLUKER!!!
For several years Clarence
worked for the National Youth
Advocacy Coalition, the only
national organization whose
sole mission is to advocate on
behalf lesbian, gay, bisexual
and transgender youth while
building the capacity of the
local organizations that serve
them.
In August of 2003, He was the
youngest speaker to address
those in attendance at the rally
to commemorate the life and
work of Bayard Rustin
preceding the 40 th
Anniversary of the March on
Washington.
Once the youngest to facilitate
workshops for DC Black
Pride, at age 22 he became the
youngest member of the
Board of Directors of Black,
Lesbian & Gay Pride Day,
Inc., the organization that
produces DC Black Pride, one
of the largest African
American gay pride
celebrations in the world.
From 2005 – 2006, Clarence
was served as the youngest
President of DC Black Pride
organization. Currently he is
recognized as Board Member
Emeritus.
In the summer of 2006
Clarence was appointed a
member of the LGBT
Executive Committee for the
Office of the Mayor of the
District of Columbia. He will
serve as a member of the
Mayor's Committee until 2008.
Clarence's written work has
appeared in a variety of print
and online publications
including the Cleveland Bar
Journal, The Journal of
Intergroup Relations,
BlackStripe.com and ARISE
magazine, where he served as
Next Generation Editor.
Most recently his essay A
Nation Divided appeared in
the anthology Spirited from
Redbone Press. An engaging
speaker on the topic of race
and sexual orientation he has
spoken to campus groups at
universities throughout the U.S.
Dedicated to building
community and being the
change that he wishes to see
throughout his shared
communities Clarence also
serves on the Board of Nu
Visions of Excellence Theater
Company and the Shaw High
School Foundation.
| Clarence*Fluker Age: 27 Location: Washington, DC Writer/Social Advocte |
| Gay Youth Resources |
What do you think are the biggest challenges facing Young Black Gay/SGL (Same-Gender Loving) Men today?
A lack of value on education. Adopting the social images as the sole concepts of Black Gay Life. We are MORE than the
clubs and clothes. I think another challenge they face is adopting “shade” as a defense mechanism and not being able to
shut it off and decipher when its truly appropriate.
What do you think are the biggest insecurities of Young Black Gay/SGL Men? Where do they derive?
I don’t think the insecurities of young black gay/sgl men are any different from the black gay/sgl community as a whole.
Both, young and old, have the basic need to want to feel accepted, a sense of belonging to something greater… a
community. I do think because it seems that they feel a sense of greater freedom and independence to come out earlier,
than previous generations, they are experiencing harassment in schools, abandonment, challenges finding employment. I
feel the older black gay/sgl community experience this but have acquired greater skills and resources to overcome this.I
think this derives from the experiences they have with family, non-LGBT friends, school, church, work, and relationships.
We are all sculpted and influenced by similar factors.
A lack of value on education. Adopting the social images as the sole concepts of Black Gay Life. We are MORE than the
clubs and clothes. I think another challenge they face is adopting “shade” as a defense mechanism and not being able to
shut it off and decipher when its truly appropriate.
What do you think are the biggest insecurities of Young Black Gay/SGL Men? Where do they derive?
I don’t think the insecurities of young black gay/sgl men are any different from the black gay/sgl community as a whole.
Both, young and old, have the basic need to want to feel accepted, a sense of belonging to something greater… a
community. I do think because it seems that they feel a sense of greater freedom and independence to come out earlier,
than previous generations, they are experiencing harassment in schools, abandonment, challenges finding employment. I
feel the older black gay/sgl community experience this but have acquired greater skills and resources to overcome this.I
think this derives from the experiences they have with family, non-LGBT friends, school, church, work, and relationships.
We are all sculpted and influenced by similar factors.
| The following is part 2 of a 3 part series focusing upon the challenges and insecurities of Black Gay men. Click here to read and listen to the first installment. |
What advice would you give to Young Black Gay/SGL Male Youth?
Stay in school! Learn how to play the game. Life is challenging that’s what makes it life and the experiences you have… YOU! Never give up and know
that you are accepted, loved, and a valuable asset to the WORLD. Try to find a role model AND a peer support network. Show people that in spite of
the negative views they may have of you that you have just as much right to exist as they do.
What advice would you give to Young Black Gay/SGLMen, in marriages or heterosexual relationships?
Well I personally don’t like to speak on the Down Low. That’s not my experience or the life I’m living. I do sympathize that they felt pressured or
obligated to find themselves in very interesting predicaments to say the least. They are my brother and I will love and support them when and if I can…
when and if they will allow themselves to be loved and supported by an black openly gay man.
How is SMYAL assisting Young Black Gay/SGL (Same-Gender-Loving) Men?
I am proud to say that SMYAL is assisting young black gay/sgl men by being a safe space for them to be who they are. We provide couple, family,
group, individual counseling. A space to learn about HIV/AIDS, get tested, and if they receive a positive result, have access to an outstanding care
advocate. We have also created a Young Men’s Retreat that connects the young men to Black Gay/SGL leaders in the community. Finally I think we
show them Black Gay Leadership in Action. Currently we have an African American Male Board of Director who was on the NBLC’s who’s who,
Program Director, and Youth Services and Activities Manager.
Stay in school! Learn how to play the game. Life is challenging that’s what makes it life and the experiences you have… YOU! Never give up and know
that you are accepted, loved, and a valuable asset to the WORLD. Try to find a role model AND a peer support network. Show people that in spite of
the negative views they may have of you that you have just as much right to exist as they do.
What advice would you give to Young Black Gay/SGLMen, in marriages or heterosexual relationships?
Well I personally don’t like to speak on the Down Low. That’s not my experience or the life I’m living. I do sympathize that they felt pressured or
obligated to find themselves in very interesting predicaments to say the least. They are my brother and I will love and support them when and if I can…
when and if they will allow themselves to be loved and supported by an black openly gay man.
How is SMYAL assisting Young Black Gay/SGL (Same-Gender-Loving) Men?
I am proud to say that SMYAL is assisting young black gay/sgl men by being a safe space for them to be who they are. We provide couple, family,
group, individual counseling. A space to learn about HIV/AIDS, get tested, and if they receive a positive result, have access to an outstanding care
advocate. We have also created a Young Men’s Retreat that connects the young men to Black Gay/SGL leaders in the community. Finally I think we
show them Black Gay Leadership in Action. Currently we have an African American Male Board of Director who was on the NBLC’s who’s who,
Program Director, and Youth Services and Activities Manager.
| Young Black Gay Men In Their Own Words |
| Victor Q. Price Youth Services & Activities Manager |
As lately I had to learn the skill of affirming my dreams and there for proceeding to
accomplish them. As I walked down my Harlem streets this morning, I heard a child rant and
rave about how it's not fair! "Why does he get to stay and I have to go"?
From an early age one has to realize nothing is fair. As much as that fact may suck it's the
reality of the Universe. The key to getting around the undoubted fact that shit ain't always fair
is to affirm your own dreams, and goals. If one is on the path of what they want to be doing
in life. The "it's not fair" don't play a major part, for the reason that you have an end goal.
The truest thing in life is, if you want to do something you can do it, but you just have to truly
want to. Affirm it, visualize it, believe it, and it will actualize itself.
accomplish them. As I walked down my Harlem streets this morning, I heard a child rant and
rave about how it's not fair! "Why does he get to stay and I have to go"?
From an early age one has to realize nothing is fair. As much as that fact may suck it's the
reality of the Universe. The key to getting around the undoubted fact that shit ain't always fair
is to affirm your own dreams, and goals. If one is on the path of what they want to be doing
in life. The "it's not fair" don't play a major part, for the reason that you have an end goal.
The truest thing in life is, if you want to do something you can do it, but you just have to truly
want to. Affirm it, visualize it, believe it, and it will actualize itself.